Hi, my name is Jennifer. I have a love of questioning the norm of my mundane life. It’s akin to those kids you see shaking a snow globe with the fascination only seen in children. This quirk of mine started with a panic attack in college. This incident forced me to critically look at what this well-developed person was ready for in all life challenges.

Now Consider this snow globe as a metaphor for your mind and the challenges you encounter while making decisions in your daily life. The pretty stuff that flies around in the globe represents our doubts, insecurities, and that helpful inner voice everyone talks about. This loose stuff starts swirling around you, blocking your ability to see anything. The thing that keeps shaking your globe is your trigger from the outside world. I spent my time trying to find out what all this stuff flying around is and what makes the stuff stop because I am having a difficult time seeing anything. I began by asking myself questions, and I discovered that I lacked an understanding of how external influences affect my emotions. To understand my feelings, I started recording my thoughts, practicing yoga, and meeting with a college therapist. If you had a snow globe that represented the person you protect from others, what would it look like? I envision a little girl in a yellow dress hiding under a table. This yellow dress represents a turning point in how I presented myself and the start of personas.

Let’s return to my challenges in college. The actual turning point occurred during a multicultural meeting, where a teacher introduced us to meditation. Experiencing meditation felt like breathing for the first time, helping me recognize the voices in my head that were causing me to feel overwhelmed. I would reach out for help in meditation to navigate life’s challenges. This newfound clarity allowed me to approach my emotions with a sense of calm and understanding. As I continued to practice meditation, I found that I became more resilient, better equipped to face both internal and external pressures with a balanced perspective. Then life unexpectedly tossed me into dungeon trials of life, ha ha ha.

I still have some of my fondest moments, although I had a rough time. Everything changed when demands of life shifted. As time went on, I realized how difficult it was to put emotional awareness into practice. I continue to focus on emotional awareness and search for implementation opportunities. I attended classes and read many self-help books during this time. The recording of Brené Brown’s speech, “The Power of Vulnerability,” touched me. Among other books, I also read Gretchen Rubin’s “The Happiness Project.” I gained knowledge about adult play, acronyms, mantras, habits, trust, identifying your true needs, and establishing an environment that allows you to be vulnerable and authentic. Regretfully, in order to fabricate my story, I experienced a depressive episode and began a family in a relationship that verbally abused me. I felt inadequate, determined to provide my children with the same familial environment I had experienced as a child. To create something that didn’t exist, I decided to let go of my personal values. I spoke with him on the phone one day. He accused me of straying from my morals to achieve something that we ought to have done together, side by side, but I was doing alone. Although the incident served as a wake-up call, it took me an additional five years to recognize that I had reached my breaking point.